Resetting the Clock

 These last few weeks have surely been a whirlwind in the Agwuocha household.  This October I was to have my 5th year of scans to deem me as cancer free.  Preemptively I snapped this picture declaring my survivorship. I even bought myself a box of Crumble cookies  to celebrate. 

The time was drawing near for me to go to my yearly breast MRI.  As usual, I was feeling nervous.  This time, for no real reason, a little extra nervous.  My husband could see the worry over my face and quickly sat me down and prayed with me.  He looked me in the eyes and said, "You will be fine."  

As I entered into my appointment, I struck up a conversation with the nurse who was taking care of me.  We talked and I shared my breast cancer story.  She then began to share of her own personal story with breast cancer.  We both were diagnosed 5 years ago, have the same oncologist and immediately had that sisterhood that cancer often does.  My new friend was stage 4 from the very beginning of her diagnosis.  As I lay on the MRI machine, I literally had tears streaming down my face as I prayed for my nurse and pleaded with God for her life.  As I walked out of that appointment I picked up my phone and this was the time.  It struck me.  The first time I had cancer I often looked at my phone and would see a time with 11 next to it.  I hadn't seen this happen in a long time and then at this moment I saw this. Immediately I said, Ok Lord, what are you trying to tell me. 

Little did I know that my MRI results would come back with something "SUSPICIOUS."  In a flash, my life changed.  My husband and I were in total shock and despair.  I quickly was scheduled for a biopsy to determine what this suspicious thing was.  In the waiting days of not knowing what we were dealing with, I cried a lot.  If anyone knows me they know that my children are my everything.  My family is my everything.  I could not afford to lose them.  They could not afford to lose me. 

The hardest part was with my daughter, Amara.  She remembers from years past where I go in for these routine tests and gets the news quickly that I am cancer free.  This time around she asked me if I had my results back yet, and I just couldn't even tell her.  She was impacted greatly from my cancer in the past and often worries that she will lose a parent.  The pain I felt for her in my situation was so deep.  Yet in my pain, she brought gifts of healing to my soul.  At her school, she told her teacher that we were waiting on my results for my yearly breast cancer scans.  Her teacher decided on that day to have the class make cards for me. I had been crying all day of and on.  You can imagine when she came home with a stack of cards hand written by 

6th graders, my heart melted into a million pieces.  The words that these children wrote were so life giving to me.  

As a family though we sought the Lord.  We committed my health and my life before Him.  He did not disappoint.  In my greatest pain and sorrow, my faith once again was being built.  

Then the biopsy results came in and to everyone's surprise, including my doctor, it was triple positive breast cancer. This is the same cancer I had 5 years ago in almost the same location.  I had a double mastectomy with a DIEP Flap reconstruction.  I had a 99% complete response to chemo.  This was not supposed to happen.  My family stepped in and started praying, encouraging, and pulling out those pink shirts to say they were with me.  

 Every word of support and encouragement and prayer brought me right back to this stance.  Immense gratefulness for them and lots of tears! I know some don't like pink for breast cancer, but for me it wasn't about the pink.  You see people show up in different ways and I received every gesture with the gift of what it was meant to be.. pure love. My best friends who live completely across the country sent me these beautiful flowers. 
 

The next steps were to be scheduled for a full body CT scan, Bone scan and a Brain MRI.  Sounds concerning, right?! Oh Lord, you can imagine the weight upon me and my husband as we now had to walk this road and prepare ourselves for whatever the results may be.  I was genuinely concerned for the results of these scans.  You just never know.  Every ailment that you feel in your body you are convinced is cancer.  I was covered in pray and sent off like one into battle to be strong and courageous and face this giant.

Within 12 hrs my results were in for two of my scans.  I didn't want to open the results.  It was just all too much for my heart to take.  But of course I had to peek  to see if they were in.  I wanted to know if they were in but I didn't want to open it.  Thankfully as I opened my chart I saw the results in the link.  I didn't even have to open it.  This is what I saw...

The relief that we felt was overwhelming.  I called my husband and we cried again and he danced around the house for joy. 2 down, 1 to go.

After the last few weeks that we have had we really needed a moment to breath.  To decompress. Thankfully we had the opportunity to get away for my cousins wedding.  My husband and I needed this past weekend so badly.  Thank you to our faithful friend Lynne who cared for our children. This time was renewing and refreshing.  

This man is the love of my life.  I am honored to be his wife, in sickness and in health, till death do us part!

Such a sweet time to be with my sisters.  Please keep my sister in your prayers as she undergoes major surgery this week as well. We like to keep things interesting over here.

My mom.  There is no one like her!  Oh how I love her. 

On Monday, I had the last of my scans.  My brain MRI.  After that appointment I met with my radiologist who did my biopsy.  She said my biopsy was one of the hardest she has ever had to do.  She was so upset for me that the results came back the way that they did.  She then performed what you call a magseed placement where they insert a seed into your tumor .. mine is small, the size of a pencil eraser.  This will help with the surgeon who will be taking this tumor out of me this coming Thursday.. 11/11.  There's those numbers again.  The day this will be removed from my body.  

The results came in today and my brain shows no evidence of disease!  We are so thankful!

My children are aware of my situation and handled it much better than I expected.  For that I am so thankful!

I have many more steps ahead of me as I will likely have radiation and some form of treatment. 

In the  meantime I got myself a new hairdo.. hoping I get to keep my hair this time around. 

A few weeks ago I was scared to have my scans, then I was scared for the results of those scans.  Then I was scared by the results, and then scared for the next set of scans.  You see, perspective can change.  I now know that I have a local recurrence and by God's GRACE we caught it very early.  

I do not take for granted one single moment of every breath that I breath.  I am often reminded of my friends that have fought the battle and gone ahead of me.  I am brought to my knees for my friends who are battling it again and for life.  Cancer really sucks.  It is a torture chamber.  It steals and destroys.  Without the HOPE of Jesus, we have nothing.  It is that HOPE that gets us through.

If you are going through hardship.. look for God.  Seek Him.  Receive whatever He has for your life. Accept and believe whatever healing he has for you today and then the next day and then the next day.  

I heard Him say to rest in His word.  And that I did..even in my trembling!

So here we go!  Reset the Clock!  Round Two of the KNOCKOUT!  

Let's Go!